I had to pack up my room and leave Leeds with half a days notice which was a bit horrible, but I'm very lucky to be healthy and safe and to be with my family rather than being alone in my room if I'd stayed in Leeds. It took me a good while to settle back home in Warrington, since coming to uni I haven't lived here for more than 2 weeks at a time so its all a bit odd. Time is flowing really strangely and at first I had a hard time functioning let alone FMPing. 2020 has been pretty shit personal life wise and I'm sad that I haven't been able to push the potential of my ideas for this project yet but theres still time and things have been looking up recently!!
Last week I hit a turning point where I found it easier to make again! I've finally picked the momentum back up with FMP and I'm excited for the final push even though I have a lot to do because I'm having fun with it
These were the planned outcomes I wrote in the interim reflections blog post:
The Book -
The main thing.
"How The Weather Came To Be" or something along those lines. A book containing my 4 stories and the illustrations, each story blends into the next - all coming together in the last story. The text of the book has come from exercises in poems and cut up collages to echo the idea that folk stories are a mixing pot of lots of untraceable voices.
Vehicles of storytelling (that also exist within the stories)
- Bigger felt tapestry telling all the stories, which also doubles up as a cape type thing to exist within the wind story
- Other things to exist within the stories eg rain stick / horseshoes - can be used to tell the story aloud
Prints
- Screenprints and lino prints
These planned outcomes haven't necessarily changed (apart from the screenprints obviously.) The sudden loss of uni resources is really sad - I was planning my outcomes in a way where I could try and exhaust the facilities and make real good use out of them for the last time. I really enjoyed using the laser cutter for my Hanbury trees, and I was planning on making a wooden stacking puzzle, pretty sad to see this idea go for now but its all okay!
I've realised the importance of storytelling and that my FMP is mainly about storytelling with research rooted in folklore rather than just calling it a folklore project ? Which sounds like a very minor realisation but its really helped in terms of feeling more free and less like a fraud ??((because my stories ARENT folk tales, theyre just made up things from me , but theyre inspired by folklore and storytelling traditions)). Anyway I've been looking into vehicles of storytelling and using the stories I've created as a basis for imagination and looking at the ways in which they can be explored
Crafting has been helping me recently get back into the swing of working without the dauntingness of making singular drawn images? I'm currently stitching a larger tapestry and making some paper puppets and a mobile out of tomato puree tubes (will make more sense later).
I think keeping my project ideas tactile and physical despite the digital hand in has been really healthy for me in keeping my hands busy but my head calmer.
The book is one of the main outcomes I had planned for this project and to be honest its taken a bit of a back seat so far - I've felt more comfortable to do things surrounding my stories rather than actually illustrating the actual book, I think it felt too daunting to me at a time where sitting down to illustrate was difficult, but playing and crafting weren't?
BUT, I feel ready to get back into it now - playing and easing myself back into it were necessary for me to adjust. I'm beginning to thumbnail pages now and the book is going to be my main focus for the rest of the time I have left.
Originally I was going to illustrate each lines of the story (10 lines per story, 4 stories) but I realise this is a stupid expectation, and I'd rather make less images I'm happy with than trying to rush a book for the sake of finishing it
I do have a lot to do and I know I'm pretty behind, but I think its manageable. I think this project needed me to spend a long time researching and cementing my stories because responding to my own content isn't something I'd done before. I know what I need to do I just need to do it!!!!! And I want to keep as busy as I can (in a healthy way).
I'm trying to be kinder to myself when I'm not as productive as I wanted to be because times are really horrible at the moment and I don't want to spiral back into the place I was a few of weeks ago. I'm really bad for putting too much pressure on myself and having unrealistic expectations for what I can make without taking care of myself. I'm hoping this will ease with time and experience, but for now its really frustrating and upsetting, i'm my own worst critic and im not sure what i can do about that
Anyway enough of the ranting
I'm glad I chose to do this project - the nonsense and friendliness of it all feels like a nice escape from the scary world at the moment - writing about rain and drawing the wind is comforting in a way because its not a heavy subject, nor is it so personal that I'm having to look inwards too much that it becomes overwhelming?
Sketchbooks play a really vital role in my process so its really odd having to take photos rather than hand them in as half the joy in a sketchbook is the tangible quality but oh well heres the first few where I was making sense of my stories and developing the characters:
I can't remember if I explained my writing process in a past tutorial but basically I started making poems out of cut out words from various different magazines to echo the idea that folk stories are made up from lots of untraceable voices.
This David Bowie kinda process was a new way of working for me (as are poems) and ive found it really valuable in making the actual story writing less daunting and vunerable naked feeling
this is a little book I made when I first got the structure of each of the stories down - as a place to 'drag n drop' relevant bits from my poems into relevant pages of the book - so that when I came to writing out the final script I could weave these in with my own words:
Sorry, I know its hard to understand my stories when I've not actually included the actual text I'm talking about yet - but I want to have it at a place I'm happy with first - I'm a bit self conscious with putting my writing out there for the first time .
Would I be able to send the actual script over to you this week when I'm finished with it or is feedback just for what I put in this post? no worries if so
The top lines of each page in this slideshow explain the main gist of the 4 stories and how they link together though. To have some consistency, each of the 4 stories is told in 10 sentences:
I know i havent included the actual script yet, just the basic premise of whats happening - but the language of the actual script is going to be quite poetic and strange - a mix of the mismatch poetry and my own words.
Ive attempted to sort of tell them in the rhythms of the respective weather type the story is referring to, I'm hoping that when the stories are read aloud the cadences of each one is different:
RAIN - patter patter, steady, melodic
WIND - floaty, whistling flowing
THUNDER - choppy, sudden, erratic
SUN - calm, constant, energy
I don't think this is going to necessarily be very obvious to the reader, but hopefully the design of the text with each story will separate them slightly too. I'm currently reading Lanny by Max Porter (its absolutely beautiful), and theres a character who listens to the sounds of the people of the village - the way the text is designed does a really cool job of showing this:
I'm pretty shit and slow when it comes to Adobe so I was dead chuffed with myself when I worked out how to do this for COP on indesign for my publication haha:
I'm starting to put together the indesign template now and I'm going to play around with how I can position the text to reflect the rhythmic way I'm trying to write it?
As I've realised the major emphasis on storytelling and vehicles and traditions of storytelling I've started thinking about growing this project outside of myself.
I made a load of stamps which are all motifs and imagery taken from the stories / the world I've created. But I'm interested how these can then be interpreted and taken by others to create their own narratives and stories?
So as a storytelling exercise I set up a mini workshop for my family to do for them to make compositions which tell their own little stories
My mums the only one who kinda semi knows what my stories are about, whereas for my Dad and brother, these stamps were just images for them to put their own spin on which is what I was after
This was really fun and lovely and made me feel so sentimental n grateful! My dads very creative in the sense that hes a builder but he came into this going nah I'm not imaginative i don't know what I'm doing !!!! but he really got into it and wanted more colours and was really enjoying the process of stamping it was so lovely. He never really gets involved in what I do so it made me so happy to see him so engaged and enjoying it
The idea of making building blocks for other people to put their own meaning onto is really interesting to me which is why I want my story to still be open to interpretation - the text isn't going to be completely clearly explaining the narrative if that makes sense?
Heres some pictures of the wee workshop I set up for my family after tea
and videos of them each explaining the stories they made:
(you can tell my mum is a primary school teacher)
If you hover over the black boxes a play button should appear for the videos I think
My minds been quite chaotic recently and I keep getting lots of ideas but maybe struggling with the motivation to actually do them ?? Playing whilst having restrictions has been helpful - like these simple collages I did when I was generating my characters. I'm really enjoying shape based imagery and trying to simplify things at the moment
The processes and methods of making I'm doing are rooted in some kind of research I've done into folklore and traditions of storytelling, which has been a nice process to do - eg I did some paper cuts after seeing Hans Christian Andersons paper cuts (which are SO GOOD!! definitely worth a google)
I had a ball playing w them in the sun and it was an interesting way to help me develop my characters with the restrictions of them having to be symmetrical
I'm currently making a larger tapestry like I did that smaller one towards the start of the project.
- Its first function is a form of storytelling - I've been researching into tapestries and blankets in folklore. I'm interested in the idea of something functional also being used to tell a tale within the confinements of fabric dimensions, and what other messages these show.
- Heres a pic of the colour test dump I made and then used to print out so I could cut templates from the felt. the actual felt is much more textured (see second slide). I wanted to try and maybe dye my own fabric and do something interesting like that but I just didn't really have the time to learn about natural dyeing and test it out - plus felt is really easy to sew which is handy for me being an amateur.
-I'm using mums sewing machine for bits too which is really handy and means it won't take as long as the last one I had to hand sew
- I still have a way to go with this but its relaxing having something I can do whilst unwinding n watching tv or sitting outside with - I've ordered more felt to be able to finish it a while ago - but Warrington sorting office staff all went on strike so theres a huge backlog and we haven't had post in 2 weeks now I think
- As well as being a vehicle for storytelling, its also going to double up as a cape (I've not quite worked out the mechanisms of this yet other than some string at the top) - to exist 'within' my story as the cape/dress the wind woman sews with the wind? I'm absolutely definitely never ever a performer because I can't stand up infront of people, but the thought of telling these stories aloud whilst having props to further tell / show the world I've created is so exciting!!!
- I've also got plans to make other bits and bobs for the other 3 stories - eg I'm keeping a pringles tube on my desk and a container of lentils that I spilled all over the floor incase I have time to make a rain stick for the rain man story!!! I used to make them all the time when I was a kid and I think it'd be fun, but not essential so I'm going to leave things like this until the end to see if I have time?
( Been doing research into rain-dances and traditions around the world and its really fascinating - (eg Rain Queen of Balobedu, Wu Shamans and Caloian rain rituals in Romania) -- But this is my problem I keep getting sidetracked and going off on researching tangents and having 132456 tabs open ~computer wise and brain wise~)
Obviously the final deadline is important, but I'm trying not to get too stressed about it as I've loved this project and the research and new found loves for processes and storytelling I've found through doing it. I'm planning on carrying it on after submission just for myself. I'm also keen to do the creative residence thingy at some point (I don't really know much about it apart from chatting to Charlotte Bowie about it) - and indulge in the facilities I didn't manage to use that I planned on using for this project. But we shall see!!
I'm not really sure what specific questions I want to ask are - I was pretty nervous writing this blog post because I'm not at a point yet where I feel comfortable and confident in my work as its all still brewing and nothing is final yet?
One thing I was unsure about before this whole thing was what is the point and what is the audience to this project? It felt indulgent and selfish in a way (not that thats a bad thing to just make my fmp into something thats fun and joyful for me to do - I know thats important) , but I was worried that it wasn't necessarily saying anything? It was just kind of me exploring and researching folklore and storytelling and then responding to that?
I know illustration doesn't always have to be explaining an issue or anything serious but I guess its just a fear that this feels somewhat indulgent and non-helpful(??) in the grand scheme of things considering the state of the world ?
Its pretty late and I don't know what I'm trying to say here I guess I'm just feeling a bit out of my depth and when I dwell on it I feel bad for stressing over how to draw the face of a fictional rain character in a story I've invented when theres a global pandemic you know ?
In terms of the audience I wasn't necessarily sure either ? The stories themselves may appeal to children, but the text within the book won't as its not necessarily easy to understand for kids? I had a chat to Ben about this at the last interim crit and he said well the audience is you and then in turn people who are interested in what you're doing - storytelling n folklore etc. So I guess a question might be what are your thoughts on this ? Do I need to make an audience demographic clearer? Does this matter?
I know that I'm too hard on myself always but its difficult to learn how to unlearn that. I know I'll read this blogpost back and cringe at the self deprecation of it all but its all a brain dump of how I'm feeling right now and I think thats important to get down considering how floaty everything is.
Its all gonna be gravy I'm going to keep trucking and I'll hopefully have some more concrete outcomes I feel happy to show soon!
Thank you for reading this massive ramble and I hope you're doing well!
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